Secret Hell

Christmas really is starting to creep up on us, and while I do love this tineselled time of year, there are certain things about it that make me cringe more than David Hasselhoff's chest hair.

Secret Santa is one of them.

Secret Santa seems to be something of a workplace tradition around the country, and I'm just wondering if there are any more secret santas out there who, like me, would rather pull a hamstring than pull a name from the jolly santa hat.

In fact, I am willing to bet there are probably thousands of us, all over the world who smile like the Angel Gabriel, while dipping our hands into the mix of names - all the while secretly fantasising about feigning a sudden seizure.
And if you could have just one Christmas wish come true this year, it would be that you don't pick Dave from Accounts.
Not Dave, please. Not. Dave.
You say this several times in a hypnotic mental mantra kind of way as you gingerly unfold the little slip of paper.
This whole charade only takes a few seconds to complete, but it takes considerable skill to look convincingly pleased that you are participating. And even more so to look the picture of zen once you've read 'Dave' on the little piece of fekkin' paper.

'Dave'.

You smile. Maybe bat your eyelids.a bit

You consider throwing your stapler at the organiser's head as he/she turns to go to the next lucky person to draw a name. They may as well be wearing a long black cloak and carrying a sickle.
I dont know. There are some people who absolutely love this part of Christmas, and seem to delight in organising the perfect gift to the value of $5. I do not pretend to understand them, nor do I make direct eye contact with them.
Me, I'm not a big fan of forced fun. Being obliged to buy something completely random for someone even more random doesn't exactly inspire my inner santa.

But more than that: what really drains the life out of this activity for me is the sombre thought that somewhere out there, amongst the tinsel and lights that bedeck our open plan office, MY secret santa may just be going through their own private nightmare after dipping their hands into the hat.

And why the HELL is Dave batting his eyelids at me ?


Are you like me, do you secretly detest secret santa? Any ideas on some good secret santa gifts?